Faux News Channel

Most of Rush Limbaugh's Bed Trapped Under a Massive Heat Dome

2011-07-26T13:12:00.005+09:00

Meteorologists are puzzled by the vast amounts of warmth and moisture becoming trapped under a massive heat dome that seems to appear daily on conservative pundit Rush Limbaugh's bed.

Trump: "I done a great thing"

2011-05-02T20:28:00.002+09:00

"I am so stoked that I was able to accomplish something big that nobody else has been able to accomplish," quipped the Donald. (. . . ) "by relieving him of his duties to locate his long-form birth certificate, I have enabled the president to do great, great things."

Read more

Bachmann Responds to AZ Law - promises to Fed Ex circumcision certificate as soon as she locates it

2011-04-17T08:19:00.006+09:00

(Washington, DC) Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (MN-06) is all about transparency, she tells FOX. "I love Windex, sandwich bags, and ghosts, for example," adding, "and sunshine is the best expectorant!"

(Read more)

Gummin' It

2010-04-30T13:05:00.001+09:00

Countdown to the inevitable: FOX "News" fans universally embarrassed

2010-04-26T03:46:00.008+09:00

Bill O'Reilly is clearly retarded. No way he'd have knowingly set himself up for such an obvious debunking.

Thank you, Media Matters (though, yes, HuffPost polluted it with their logo):

Over time FAUX News' laughability increases. This is a universal constant. Most of us will be around when this "news" network is something every fan of which is embarrassed to admit liking. That day is not very far off.

RedPussyState.org would rather report on its own incompetence than acknowledge the GOP just got kicked in the balls.

2009-11-22T10:59:00.013+09:00

Hey hey hey - 60 votes!

The whole world just witnessed Harry Reid's winning dice roll. The Senate has moved past the dreaded filibuster on the health care reform act debate, and now Congress is scheduling numerous, numerous pissing contests for the next year. You know, to decide which "shoulds" shall be "shalls," and which "shalls" should be "shoulds."

Even FOX "news" is reporting it. Really!

But Red- "ow my balls" -State.org... well, they've just got more important news to report:

Oh, yes it is.

Incidentally, RedPussy, 'standby' is a noun. As in "the crew is on standby." If you're telling someone to stand by, it'd be two words. Dipshits.

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Marines: forever making educated Americans cringe

2009-11-11T10:54:00.011+09:00

Semper Puerilis.

Allow me to drop my liberal mindset, assume the Devil's Advocate role, and engage in some stereotyping for a moment:

Marines are the very reason our military has such a tough time overseas. Nations tolerating our presence in their sovereign lands, and the jar heads are raping preteen girls, mooning local politicians, sucker-punching waiters, flipping off royalty, and hitting CHRISTIAN PRIESTS OVER THE HEAD WITH TIRE IRONS.

Oh sure, that last one happened in our country. I'm sure that's a comfort to the Greek Orthodox church.

And I realize it's not just the marines doing these idiotic things to foreigners. But many do not, and the USMC will now have to deal with an already diminishing collective self-esteem in light of most people's impressions of Privates Pyle, Joker and Cowboy.

Why would the USMC be experiencing self-esteem issues?

For years many have rationalized this behavior by saying the best recipe for ground combat elites consists of a heaping tablespoon of psychosis (the remainder being an ounce of stupidity, teaspoon of ignorance, and a sprinkling of abnormal brain chemistry). Actually, this old formula has never been the best, but the cheapest, route to disposable heroes.

And it might have worked when we faced enemies who didn't want to die. But this terrorism shit has changed the stakes. As tragic as it might be, the ultimate sacrifice by a G.I. pales in comparison to the enemy who intentionally blows himself up in the name of "victory."

With Blackwater and other contractors, joint Special Forces, and an Army doing most of the heavy lifting in Afghanistan and Iraq, the USMC is an increasingly immaterial element of the DoD. What they don't need right now is some goon reinforcing their negative stereotypes.

In fact, the USMC should really be able to relate to Muslims right about now.

Ignore the idiotic sign - there's a black man at a tea bagger rally!

2009-11-07T23:31:00.017+09:00

You'd be hard-pressed to find a more right-wing American city than Abilene, Texas. Trust me on this one --- I grew up in Pensacola; my hickometer is finely calibrated. The years I lived in Abilene made my hometown seem like Boston or San Francisco.

So, the recent teabaggery in Abilene comes as no surprise. But I can't not point out the irony of the tea party protest's top billing: William Owens, Jr.

Owens spoke to the crown of dozens, probably even selling a book or two in the process. Oh, did I mentioned he's an African-American? Why, yes - he's a black man. Who happens to hold the position Barack Obama is not black enough.

Spelling error? Forget that - dontcha see the colored guy talking?

So, the "Big Country" tea bag aficionadi gushed all over some guy who dislikes Obama, simply because he's a black man. Never mind the fact he wants Obama to be more like Malcom X than Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. What mattered here is a colored fella showed up at a republican rally.

Yeeeeeeeee haw!

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Countdown to Rump Leakage blaming it on the liberals in one... two... three

2009-11-07T01:10:00.004+09:00

He does it every time.

The king of projection, Rump Leakage, will blame the mass murder of 13 on Fort Hood, TX on some rambling theory of liberal psychology -meets- moral relativism -meets- Clinton enbabled some program to allow all evil Muslims to join the armed forces -meets- President Obama is personally responsible for all that is bad.

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FOX News, if Obama nabs Osama

2009-10-24T19:18:00.011+09:00

Linkage

We're getting closer to capturing bin Laden than Bush-monkey ever did. This America-backed blitz along the Afghanistan/Pakistan border is something that should have happened long ago.

This has happened less than an hour south of Chitral, by most reliable accounts (for what that's worth) the town where Osama bin Laden currently resides.

So, imagine if, by December, we capture OBL! Would that not be the best Xmas present ever? And, the proverbial cherry on top? Watching all the exploding heads at FOX News!

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Poppy Bush, please have your wife bemoan Olbermann & Maddow

2009-10-17T22:16:00.008+09:00

He's doing it again! Poppy Bush is decrying a bit of popular American TV culture just as it's on the rise. Quite unsolicitedly, he recently called Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow "sick puppies," blaming them for creating the sort of shit-smearing polemics he, himself, created over 20 years ago (with the help of one, rotund Roger Ailes).

But don't get me wrong. Do not fret o three that read here (two? one?). Bush's criticism of a thing is good for that there thing. The verbal missiles he launched at Matt Groening's The Simpsons in the early 90s helped boost that show enormously (especially once Groening brilliantly embraced the criticism, as you'll see below).

Now, all we need is for Mrs. (sic) Bush to do what she (sic) did in 1990. Remember? To her (sic)hubby's critique, she (sic) added, "The Simpsons are absolutely the dumbest thing I've ever seen" (obviously old ironsides had forgotten about the oldest Bush baby).

So... it's very simple. Keep your fingers crossed: if Barbed Wire Bush publicly criticizes Olbermann and Maddow... FOX News can kiss its "we're number one!" mantra good-bye.

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The Mega Ditto Ego Has Landed

2009-10-14T20:39:00.009+09:00

When, upon learning Barack Obama had failed to garner his hometown the 2016 Olympics, Rump Leakage cheerily gloated, "the ego has landed!"

Some laughed along with the drug addled gas bag; some simply saw it as another assholish act from an asshole; some of us recognized it as more projection from the king of projection.

Ain't I a goddamned genius?

Contrary to how most NFL members apparently feel about the matter, I'd like to see Rush Limbaugh as owner of the ~~Cleveland~~ ~~Los Angeles~~ St. Louis Rams. My brilliant cartoon notwithstanding, denying Limbaugh the chance to (partially) own an NFL franchise is denying the rest of us another chance at watching him fail.

Seriously, think about it: aside from rabble-rousing narrow minds like his own, the man is incompetent.

Failed as a 'normal' (not political) radio D.J.

Failed on late-night television.

Failed on ESPN.

Failed as a husband. Thrice (so far).

Failed to resist drug addiction.

Failed to get either of his 'pet' publicans nominated in 2008.

In fact, he's slooooowly failing the conservative movement. It's like he and the GOP are having the world's longest fuck, only he has AIDS, and the publicans ripped off the condom long ago.

(nice, huh?)

Since becoming the mouthpiece for the GOP, Pigboy's political peers have voted into office a disaster of such magnitude that he nearly became the first wartime president to lose his bid for reelection. In 2004 Bush scored the narrowest reelection victory ever by a U.S. president, and his successor lost to a black man with a Muslim name.

(and if you blame 2008 on Bush's incompetence, remember he'd never have gotten there in the first place were it not for Limbaugh's giant microphone)

The 'publicans don't seem to recognize the megalomaniac's deleterious effect on the GOP. Maybe the NFL will be equally obtuse. If so, we can enjoy watching the asshole fail again.

Hey, I'm a Saints fan. The Rams aren't going to be in last place forever.

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Alan Grayson for Supreme Ruler of the Universe Forever

2009-10-10T23:48:00.009+09:00

You'll forgive my tardiness here, as I'm currently in 대한민국.

(And they just blocked citizens'/residents' ability to FTP to Yahoo?)

But this man has more balls than the rest of the (D) legislative branch, combined. If Nancy Pelosi or Harry Reid acted one fifth as gutsy as this man, the GoP would be out of business.

Cheers to crooksandliars and moxnews for making this reachable in this corner of the world.

I've had this video on loop for half an hour now.

Hal-le-fuckin-lujah

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Yet another Democrat wins prize republicans pretend to have been nominated for, except when they're pretending to detest it

2009-10-09T22:07:00.009+09:00

Reality: Barack Obama has won the Nobel Peace Prize.

FOX News? Yet another stinkin' Democrat has won the Nobel Peace Prize.

You know, the prize republicans love to pretend they've been nominated to win. Except when they're pretending to detest it so mightily.

Case in point: Mark "the slight one" Levin, who regularly lends hannity a third brain cell, "nominated" Rump Leakage for the Nobel Peace Prize via some outfit called Landmark or some such insipid milquetoast crap.

Levin half-assed a memo with the Landmark nom attached, and submitted to . . . who knows? The deed was done - Limbaugh had been nominated by another human for the Peace Prize. Freepers, dittoheads, and other short-bus regulars were ecstatic.

Unfortunately for the rarely informed right, the act of one person associating "I herewith nominate Rush Limbaugh for the Nobel Peace Prize..." with a nifty-sounding organizational's namesake no more constitutes an de jure NPP nomination than writing the same memo on a roll of toilet paper.

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FOX News, Lindsey Graham, Glenn Beck, and a very ugly bomb

2009-10-06T22:19:00.003+09:00

Something tells me Lindsey Graham has an enormous crush on Glenn "the squirter" beck.

And, the best part... someone at youtube has a warped sense of humor ----- the site's "random" code generator named this movie 9pK2IH96GaY

:o

OK, seriously -- who's to say Graham doesn't really dislike this Beck fellow? He certainly is plenty dolled up for this Sunday's appearance. Maybe old Lindsey thought he'd run into the mind-squirter on the set.

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Is Glenn Beck a rapist?

2009-10-05T20:00:00.007+09:00

Somebody should really look into this! Even if it is, after all, just an allegation, there seems to be a plethora of evidence Glenn Beck really raped a woman in 1990.

Normally I'd hesitate to believe this nonsense would be allowed on a news network. But if FOX News is fine with Bill O'Reilly continuing his job on FNC after paying Andrea Mackris $10 million for sexually harrassing her (e.g., he used a vibrator on himself during a taped phone conversation with her), then anything's possible. No?

As I shouted before, someone should really look into this thing.

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It's official: the GOP hates America

2009-10-04T11:14:00.007+09:00

Just when you thought the 'publicans couldn't get any hilariouser, the I.O.C. announces Chicago won't get the chance in '16 to bring billions of Olympic-derived dollars to the American economy. . . and the jolly old 'publicans just cream their pants!

Well, except for Glenn Beck, who creamed the studio floors with his mind-cum.

In reaction to the news, an orgasmic Beck squirts all over the FNC studio floor

They've got a point, right? I mean isn't it just hilarious when the country fails?

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Compared to GOP perversion, the Letterman deal is a walk in the park

2009-10-03T19:07:00.012+09:00

Obviously the sexual scandal Letterman brought up on his show Thursday is a disappointment for fans. But, are political observers who've had to defend ---

David Ensign
Larry Craig (very gay, but blasts homosexuality from a decidedly wide soapbox)
David Vitter
Mark Foley (very gay, but formerly blasted homosexuality from his soapbox)
Vito Sofella
Dr. Laura Schleshinger (whose nude photos can be found on BartCop.com)
Rush Limbaugh (who smuggled illegally obtained Viagra to an all-boys camp in the Dominican Republic!)
Strom Thurmond (KKK member who sired an illegitimate black child)
John Bolton (who coerced his missus into joining a wife-swapping club in NYC)
Ted Haggard (quite the gay, though he used to blast homosexuality from a robust soapbox)
Rudy Giuliani (noted philanderer)
Newt Gingrich (same as Giuliani, but -- reports indicate -- with a really tiny penis)
Bob Packwood (and yes, that's his real name)
Dick Armey (and yes, that's his real name)
J.C. Watts
(and many more)

--- in any position to judge Letterman?

Dave's affairs were consensual. They preceded his marriage. And they resulted in no legal actions against Dave by the ladies he slept with.

Just remember, when the right tries to say anything about sexual morality, HUGE GRAIN OF SALT.

Oh, and because I'm so predictable, here's a Top Ten list about the whole mess:

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RedPussy, I mean RedState a bit schizo on the whole how we feel about libertarians schtick, no?

2009-10-02T14:39:00.017+09:00

Remember when Red-Pussy.org banned big, intimidating Ron Paul from their website?

Their rationale was something about Paul being one of those "zany" libertarians, not liking war or some such sissified stuff. Bottom line, so they declared (I promise it's true!) -- "RedState shall only pimp Republicans."

In fact, sore-pussy.org informed us, Ron Paul was only a "republican" because he was seeking the GOP's nomination. Obviously he wasn't really a republican. He was (and remains, they claim) a RINO.

Red-Pussy, crystal clear in its decree, reminded the world their namesake, the red states, are GOP states. Grand Old Party states. Re-mufuckin-PUBlican states, goddammit! NOT 'zany libertarian' states.

AND so here we are, two years down the road: Red-Pussy's biggest hero?

Why it's the squirter himself. Mr. Glenn Beck. A veritable Obi wan Kenobi, according to the cowardly RS.org staff.

Which brings us to the punchline: Beck has always declared himself to be a libertarian (we'll look past his delusions for the moment, since no one at Faux News is a principled libertarian). Oh... not exactly the sissified, anti-war, pro-Constitution libertarian Ron Paul might be. Beck is, you know, one of those manly, selectively-constitutional, Big Pentagon Libertarians.

Seriously though, we can all see the writing on the wall, right? Republicans are embarrassed to admit they are Republicans. Most have resorted to claiming they're "libertarians" -- when, in fact, for the most part they're anything but staunch neocons.

Yep! Another label we progressives have successfully made taboo. We should give ourselves credit here: neocon is a stinky, yucky word.

Like liberal was in the 90s.

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White House to Glenn Beck: "You lie!"

2009-10-01T20:52:00.013+09:00

Squirter-head Glenn Beck is full of mud. No, that's not news. But now the administration is calling him out for it.

Just as soon as god digs his finger out of Beck's sweet spot --- and the beck head therefore stops soaking the studio floors with his voluminous mind-cum --- maybe he'll bring it up on his show.

Meanwhile, a Mr. Rump Leakage of Girarduh, Missouri, is said to be seeeeeeeeeething with envy.

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Fathead deciphers the obelisk and lies about his mom's death

2009-09-30T07:31:00.015+09:00

What kind of guy lies about his mother's death?

A giant, demigod-like entity.

With a fat head.

That's what kind of guy.

More photo goodness from the February 30 rally in D.C.

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Oh, just stop it.

2009-09-29T19:02:00.008+09:00

Hey, policito.com, stop pretending you're separate from the GOP.

Are you guys seriously referring to the GOP in the third person??

Stop. Just stop. You're killing me...

Back to Square One How long can we play keep away this time?

2009-09-27T11:53:00.017+09:00

Pssst... don't tell Sean Insanity, but the Clinton-era WMD inspections in Iraq were working before 2003, when retard-boy sent us on a wild goose chase.

For what it's worth now, the WMD inspections Hans Blix oversaw in Iraq were effective. The GoP won't admit this, but I know it to be true.

Fast forward a decade or so, and here we are facing another megalomaniacal leader of an Arabic nation. A man whose WMD program is 'big news' these days.

Nu-ky(schwa)-l(schwa)r

The problem is we can only keep the ball out of the irresponsible child(the GoP)' s control for so long.

I've got no solutions at this time. Except, you know, KEEP THE GOP OUT OF POWER.

We don't want the GOP-as-majority's next stamp on society to come in the form of a mushroom cloud.

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Gaddafi pitches a tent Teabaggers don't get it

2009-09-24T08:36:00.007+09:00

Inigo Montoya remembers his late father

Please, FOX, run an expose' on Acorn called Get These Nuts.

No? How about a food stamp fraud sting called Choking the Chicken . . ?

Would you consider Cutting the Cheese, maybe?

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Oceans reveal their liberal bias

2009-09-21T19:14:00.011+09:00

Even the rednecks in Pensacola are facing the fact of climate change. Even. the. rednecks. in. Pensa.cola.

See? Its waves are coming from the left.

As Mirna and I flew back from Europe last year, I videotaped Greenland from 40,000 feet, and noticed the island seemed . . . green. I've seen Greenland a number of times, and it's never looked quite so - ah, let's just say, melty. Some day I'll dig up that recording and post it here.

In the meantime, keep in mind THE REDNECKS IN PENSACOLA ARE FACING THE FACT OF CLIMATE CHANGE.

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The 'Joe Wilson Planned It' conspiracy: a teachable moment in Occam's Razoreze

2009-09-20T23:48:00.017+09:00

Usually it's fun to watch the idiocy of the right manifest itself as loopy conspiracy theories.

Not so fun is watching the less thoughtful sorts on the left act equally foolish.

Some are claiming photographic evidence indicates Wilson planned this outburst, and informed others of it beforehand.

Of course, facts about Wilson that make him look even stupider than he already looks is premium stuff by me. But it's got to be actual facts.

Take a look at the photo:

Based on the fact it's a sharply focused snapshot -- meaning the photographer had to have been in on the "planned event" -- and the fact those around him aren't reacting to his outburst -- meaning they'd also have to have been in on it, some are saying Wilson not only planned to yell at the uppity boy, but had the balls to let everyone know about his plans beforehand (everyone except the President and his administration, that is).

Does this really seem logical? Is it not possible there's a simpler explanation?

Of course it's not logical. Of course there's a simpler explanation:

As you'll notice, Wilson shouted "YOU LIE!" twice. The first time, heard in this video at 11 seconds (between President Obama's repeated "the reforms...") was not noticed by most, but was noticed by Pelosi; she turns to Joe Biden and seems to say something like, "who was that?" or "that Joe Wilson is an asshole."

The second time he shouts is the one everyone heard, at roughly 15 seconds into the clip.

In fact, a replay of the entire thing seems to reveal someone was doing a lot of shouting during the speech. My bet Wilson was that someone.

Obviously the people around Joe Wilson (R - redneck) were so numb to his bellyaching by that point they chose to do what most people would do in that situation -- pretend to ignore him (most with really bad poker faces). Sorta what you do when a crazy street person is talking to himself.

And some photographer, after hearing the first outburt, was quick on his/her feet; the second "YOU LIE" was practically a gimme at that point.

So, the idiot right wing nutbag probably planned nothing of the sort. I think there was no conspiracy after all.

Anyone genuinely convinced this was a planned event is either (a) not intellectually curious enough to have re-examined the video, or (b) curious enough to have re-examined the video, but too stupid to then recognize the simpler explanation.

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Nerd Fight!

2009-09-19T15:40:00.011+09:00

Google wipes a booger on Apple's name tag.

Not exactly sure what this story is all about.

I mean, I get the general idea.

But once I get past the second paragraph, I'm all "I like money."

Just keep the cool gadgets coming, fellas.

God Fingers Beck's Deep Spot

2009-09-18T23:36:00.013+09:00

Time Magazine has made it official: Glenn Beck is FOX News' number one weeper.

Or is it squirter?

In either case, let's give the marshmallow a big hand for the depth of his self-awareness.

How many men, really, have probed their cranial love canal so very thoroughly as Beck?

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Dad doesn't punish reckless daughter

2009-09-18T22:33:00.013+09:00

What a weak-kneed liberal this man must be!

No child should be allowed to get away with such a crime.

What is the nation coming to?

FOX knows its audience

2009-09-17T20:37:00.008+09:00

The tragic death of a minor league wrestler wouldn't normally be a national headline, would it?

Briefly Briefs

2009-09-16T19:20:00.025+09:00

"Carter says Obama row is 'racist'" - BBC, 16 Sep 09

... of course it is. To paraphrase the drug-addled gasbag himself, the GOP's opposition to President Obama is "TOTALLY ABOUT RACE!"

Did we not all see South Carolina's Joe Wilson, histrionically teething last week in Congress? (Too bad, instead of wailing "you lie," he didn't do one of those mmmBULLSHIT sneezes).

But let's get real, right? When one of ten (R)s who proudly belong to some such, decidedly anti-black Sons of 19th Century Losers organization (having no [D]s aboard), wags his inadequate, pale index finger at the country's first African-American president, it's kinda obvious. No?

"Is Your Baby Racist? " - Newsweek, 14 Sep 09

... is this article telling me we can ID conservatives before they're born? Alas, no. In fact, it's a gimmicky way of telling us a study at the university of Texas concluded babies can tell which other babies resemble them, and which do not.

Ten bucks says Michael Weiner-Savage will be the first to scream "EUGENICS! The left is after our babies!"

Should've bet me; Limbaugh has already whined about this story, and some bozo on PrisonPlanet, in his temper tantrum, identifies Austin, TX as "the Berkley of the Southwest." Isn't Berkley already the Berkley of the Southwest?

...and, finally...

"Black People Behaving Badly" - any Drudge Report, above the electronic fold

Way to nail it, Fudge. Someone's gotta prevent these coloreds from ruinin' our country!

....

Most unused space since Palin's World Book debacle of '91

2009-09-14T22:42:00.013+09:00

Those CDs Mom sends you of the latest family pics -- where 649.8 MB of the original 650 remain untouched? She might've sent you the damned things through email, but that would require attaching stuff to her message. And a >28Kbps modem.

After all, it's the thought that counts.

Looks like the great gas bag himself, Rump Leakage, has created a similarly obscene waste of resources. Kinda like his show.

Imagine the lonely Gigabytes of unused space on those DVDs. Seriously, how much could this jackoff come up with... eight minutes?

Look at the picture in this promo. The "best or rush" here is him reading from his own fucking book. You could tape a picture of the lardass on your wall, pop in a books-on-tape of "See, I Told You So" (or is it, "Nanny boo boo, I'm right and you eat boogers"?), and save the S&H.

For the minimum 30 minute fill that'd leave 22 minutes for commercials. Mmmmm... capitalism at work. Probably pushing more Pigboy pap.

Shit, did I really just say probably?

Underplayed, that one. A "little excellence," indeed.

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Ape Shit

2009-06-15T16:28:00.006+09:00

Mancow = MANHannity = Not so much

2009-05-23T13:43:00.019+09:00

Mancow. Hannity. One's a man. The other's a coward.

From the patting my own back department...

2008-11-24T06:36:00.012+09:00

Eighth Anniversary Blowout

Charlat An recommends you visit my "best of" pages.

Hard to believe it's been eight years since I started this page. Even harder to believe --I once cranked out respectable portions of actual satire.

SO, since I'm getting very short (about to deploy for 12 months), and may not be able to touch this site for awhile, I'll link to some of this site's past highlights...

ENJOY.

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From the I bet you didn't know I work for the Pentagon department

2008-11-22T08:38:00.014+09:00

- FOX Leaks Classified Info -

AGENT.BTZ Was Classified...

Driving home from work today, scrolling through the (mostly conservative) poli-talk available from the satellite feed, and FOX News tells me a nasty bit of malware called Agent BTZ is currently infecting DoD computer systems. Not your typical spyware, this thing got past the firewall, and it seems the experts are baffled at it.

I knew the story's details already, but here's the thing: when I heard this, I nearly ran off the road - because IT'S CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. That is, it was classified information.

Until FOX News reported it.

Afer unwinding this afternoon, I ran an internet news search. Not surprisingly, dozens of news outlets have reported the gory details of Agent.BTZ for all the world to read.

Thanks Fucks news. Why do you guys hate America?

..!..

What liberal media?

2008-11-15T08:13:00.009+09:00

- There They Go Again -

Funny how the "liberal" media only get the facts wrong when they echo Shemp Hannity talking points.

Just who is this clown Lee Cowan, and how is it his "investigative journalism" passes for anything but sloppy guesswork, or sheer laziness? This story had been debunked days before Cowan reported it here, by Norm Coleman's own lawyers.

I made the wrong career choice. Apparently "investigative" journalists don't really have to do anything but read from weeks-old cue cards.

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Rush: doomed to obscurityunless he gets even crazier now

2008-11-13T09:05:00.007+09:00

Limbaugh in Denial Over Loss of Relevance

- His recent "assertions" betray desperation, recognition of impending extinction -

In response to Rump Leakage 's recent blathering (specifically, his claim that the failing economy is Obama's fault), many will rightfully point out that it doesn't matter today nearly as much as it did two weeks ago what Limbaugh says (I refrain from using 'think,' as not even a drug addled gasbag would believe such a stupid assertion). But an analysis into this reaction by the left wing shows us it's more than a swipe at the ass-boil-having simpleton. It's more than a quick & easy dismissal of Limbaugh; his irrelevance is, in fact, the very reason he's acting dumber than usual.

Limbaugh & his lemmings are a cancer on the GOP. They are single-handedly responsible for bringing the GOP to the point of ridicule we on the left currently relish. Now that the GOP has had its proverbial ass handed to it, more and more on the right are recognizing this. Thus, Limbaugh's sudden self-awareness.

Rump and the rest of the micropenis wing of the GOP were run out of town early during the primary season. The addition of Palin - a move obviously made to appeal to Limbaugh et al - was immediately recognized by the sensible right (Peggy Noonan, George Will, etc.) as a huge blunder. The filth the GOP had rid itself of had returned to the ticket, and even Noonan was caught on tape saying, "It's over."

As an individual, Rush Limbaugh is suddenly the albatross around the GOP's neck.

As a movement, Limbaugh-style radio is a pterodactyl (read: extinct bird) around the party's neck.

Enjoy your plunge into obscurity, Comedian Rush Limbaugh!!!

..!..

2008-11-10T02:20:00.013+09:00

-Have Fun in IrrelevanceLand-

Limbaugh, Hannity, McLaughlin and SNL: Rendered irrelevant by election.

Everyone’s talking about Karl Rove and Mitch McConnell being pushed into obscurity; being the “biggest losers” of this obvious pro-Obama mandate. But there are others facing irrelevance. And someone has to break the news to them. So here goes:

Dear Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, et al,

Haven’t you realized you are the primary reason your party is now a regional party at best?

Blame Palin all you want; the facts state otherwise. When your two least favorite candidates became the GOP’s two final candidates for Republican nominee (Limbaugh et al hate John McCain and Mike Huckabee), did you actually fail to recognize most Republicans disagree with your viewpoints?

Dear The McLaughlin Group,

Your pre-taped discussions are a toaster-oven in today’s microwave world.

During the final weeks of the Hillary Clinton/Barack Obama contest, you were so out of sync with the streaming news cycle it was pitiful. This morning – just a few minutes ago – your synopsis of Obama’s victory was off my 1.5 million votes (McLaughlin actually posted the words "64 million"; those of us with a pulse know that figure passed 65 million over 24 hours ago, and will probably pass 66 million before it's all over), and fifteen electoral votes. Did you record your program so long ago NORTH CAROLINA WAS NOT YET KNOWN? Holy LAZINESS, Batman!

But your pundits are dinosaurs as well, and obviously equally unfit for the changing times. I got more accurate predictions from websites and up-to-date commercial cable networks – even FOX News -- than I did from your early 20th century personalities.

The weekend before the election your liberal “experts” predicted the election would be “close,” and that bimbo Monica Crowley actually predicted McCain would win by half a percentage point!

Dear Saturday Night Live,

You can thank one person for your recent surge in viewership: Tina Fey. But the election’s over, Fey’s back at her regular job, and we’re all rightfully expecting you to again become the unfunny, irrelevant crap you've been for several years now.

You know, Mad TV without all the editing.

..!..

2008-11-05T12:19:00.005+09:00

YEAH,

BABY!

2008-11-03T11:37:00.005+09:00

Say what you will about Ben Affleck; he's no Dana Carvey.

- It's the opposite of satire -

For all the admirable traits one might possess, there are those to which he or she will never come close. In the case of Ben Affleck, comedic dexterity is one such untenable trait.

Ben Affleck's over-the-top Olbermann routine on SNL last night was funny at first, but quickly unraveled into some desperate, over-the-top, Monster Truck-like screechfest. I initially thought he was trying to lay down some decent satire; he started off rather subdued. But as the skit progressed I saw it becoming more and more absurd, and finally I realized I was witnessing a popping of the imitation-inflation bubble that Dana Carvey and others so effectively flirt with, but never burst.

Consider the impressionist: the comedian whose imitation finds a broad line between reality and exaggeration, and pushes its edges. Dana Carvey, an SNL cast member from fifteen years back, was a master at it. In his "McLaughlin Group" spoofs, he would amplify his impersonation of the grumpy PBS host, John McLaughlin, right up to the point of oversaturation, and then pull it back just a bit. "WRONG!" he'd belt at (the portrayers of) Jack Germond or Eleanor Clift, and then roll into an exaggerated description of the range of his next question's "1 to 10" scale. Most of Carvey's character imitations pushed beyond subtlety, but as he himself once pointed out his were not simply impersonations, but impressions. Exaggeration is part of the formula.

Contrast this with the satirist's domain. His is a much tougher balancing act (I never quite got it down; see this page or this other one for a couple examples of my satirist days), and usually only effectively done by the true masters. Effective satire fools many audience members -- think This is Spinal Tap, a movie whose theater success was smothered by the fact many thought it was a real documentary about a rock band they'd never heard of. Not exactly the place for satire, you won't see it too often coming from SNL.

And, in terms of comedic delivery, Affleck was all over the map. Like a blind man trying to land a C-5 on an aircraft carrier.

As the sketch passed its halfway point, Affleck jumped overboard, head first, flailing and twitching and emoting to a point that apparently made a lot of the audience uncomfortable -- there's plenty of heavy laughing, but notably only by a fraction of the audience.

Overdoing exaggeration in character impressionism is like cooking up a great pot of chili, but then adding waaaay too much salt. There's really nothing you can do once you've exceeded a recipe's maximum allowable salinity level.

Obviously the sort of right winger who regularly watches fake wrestling and bass fishing TV shows will have found the impression hilarious, but I have to wonder why SNL has never done such a warped exaggeration of Bill Orally, Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity. Is Olbermann really considered that far out, whereas O'Reilly, Rump Leakage, and Hannity are not? If so, why is Olbermann outrating Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity these days? Why hasn't Limbaugh ever had a successful TV show (remember, Limbaugh has miserably failed in his attempts to attract a TV audience)?

In reality it was just another oversaturated impression by someone ill-equipped to try this sort of thing. Ben Affleck is not exactly the sharpest comedic knife in the drawer.

Olbermann thinks the routine was hilarious (or, at least, he says so) -- maybe he's doing a Sarah Palin and pretending the skewering didn't offend him. The most likely scenario has Olbermann a bit offended by the routine, though smart enough to realize the value of a good roasting. As we all know, regardless how devastating it was, the skit has elevated Olbermann to the status of someone imitated on SNL -- an acknowledgment of his cultural importance.

Watch out, Chris Matthews, there's a new Sheriff in MSNBC-ville.

..!..

2008-11-01T11:53:00.008+09:00

- Olbermann's Halloween Worst -

Domestic Terrorist G Gordon Liddy only second ?

Not sure what's better - watching O'Reilly melt down, or watching Olbermann tear him a new asshole every night.

BTW - if you haven't already done so - get your ass out there and VOTE ALREADY.

2008-10-26T12:16:00.011+09:00

Frightened Retards

- Check out this brilliant video from the Las Vegas Sun -

These ignorami are about to get a shovelful of reality.

- Get Out Your Seniors -

2008-10-24T10:59:00.021+09:00

Get Out Your Seniors

I have. Have you?

This past Tuesday, seven thousand Pensacolians attended a Michelle Obama rally. Michelle. Not Barack.

Pensacola is the reddest of GOP-lovin' towns in Florida, and it'll probably vote 2/3 in favor of Johnny Senile and Sarah McNuts. But seven thousand openly Democratic Pensacolians is a big day for the world.

Naturally, I take credit for this development. Well, one seven-thousandth the credit: my mom was one of the proudly pro-Obama Pensacolians to support our next First Lady. All these years of my pointing out the obvious defects of Monkey Boy and his evil administration have made a difference.

Actually, Mom knew W was a monkey the day she first witnessed him mangle the English language. But at least now she's proudly bearing her political stripes on the outside. In Pensacola. Like thousands of others... supporting a black man. This is a big deal.

Mom and a very stoned me, many moons ago

When I was a kid, three of Pensacola's (then) four public high schools were forcibly desegregated. We're talking the early 1970s. The KKK rallied at Escambia High School, during the Carter administration, to protest this desegregation (and the renaming of the school's mascot from 'Rebel' to 'Gator'). So just imagine how backwards things must've been during the 50s and 60s. When Mom was a kid.

Not long ago you'd be in trouble if you had to find a white southerner talking positive about black Democrats. Political correctness in Dixie runs... that is, used to run counter to the model Limbaugh et al constantly lament.

And Barack Obama is changing that.

Now it's your turn. Talk to your parents, your grandparents, aunts and uncles. They're not as grumpy as you might think.

..!..

2008-10-13T07:46:00.007+09:00

John McCain's Very Own Domestic Terrorist

- Unlike Bill Ayers, G. Gordon Liddy is a convict. A federally-convicted felon, he spent four years in prison before (incredulously, no doubt) being pardoned by Jimmy Carter.

The significance is this - Liddy is a close friend of John McCain's.

What's really sick is Liddy hosts a popular talk show from a DC-area radio station. The entire right wing pals around with domestic terrorists.

But you already knew that.

2008-10-11T14:38:00.009+09:00

The Troopergate Verdict:
Is Sarah Palin Guilty or Not Guilty?

The quick answer -

She's guilty on count 1, not guilty on count 2.

For a deeper perspective, a primer is apparently needed (even some guy claiming to be a lawyer on Daily Kos muddled the report's findings).

SO here it is, as simple as I can make it:

THE PLAYERS: Sarah Palin Walt Monegan (Commissioner/Palin's subordinate/Wooten's boss) Michael Wooten (State Trooper/Palin's ex brother-in-law)
CHARGE ONE: Palin illegally pressured Monegan to fire Trooper Wooten (Monegan refused).	CHARGE TWO: Palin subsequently illegally fired Monegan for refusing to fire Wooten.
STATUS: GUILTY By pressuring Monegan to fire Wooten, Palin violated Alaska Statute 39.52.110(a). She did not have the right to fire Wooten, nor to have him fired, and therefore is guilty of abusing her powers.	STATUS: NOT GUILTY Palin's motives for firing Monegan are irrelevant. Whether the ugly divorce between her sister and brother-in-law Wooten shaped her decision to fire Monegan, she did have the right to fire Monegan at will.

..!..

2008-10-11T12:31:00.007+09:00

AK State Legislator, Lyda Green, Could Move to Impeach Sarah Palin

The Alaska state legislature is headed up by the woman you see here - Lyda Green. As Senate President, Ms. Green could initiate impeachment hearings against Sarah Palin (check out Section 20). You know, the "lady" who has just been found guilty of abusing her power.

Would Lyda Green be moved to impeach Palin? Watch the video in my previous entry for the obvious answer. It'll be a beautiful, poetic-justice sort of day if Ms. Green moves in this direction.

..!..

2008-10-11T10:35:00.010+09:00

McCain's VP Metastasis

Sarah Palin has been found guilty of abusing her powers.

Is anyone really surprised?

Sweet Bundt cake, is this ticket a massive train wreck . . .

Funny, but didn't McCain once refer to another female politican as "The Bitch"?

What goes around, comes around, eh?

..!..

2008-10-11T01:50:00.011+09:00

McCain's Logical Fallacies

- Pseudo-Scientific "Proof" That Will Only Appeal to Idiots -

Professor Marcello Truzzi coined the expression Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. Carl Sagan popularized the slogan, a simplifying of the sentiment expressed by Hume and LaPlace in the 18th century: if you tell a tall tale, you need tall proof.

This slogan is familiar among skeptics who regularly challenge pseudo-scientific wackos to "put up or shut up." If you want the claim to be taken seriously that a UFO landed in your back yard, you'd better have more than some kicked-up dirt to show for it.

The Truzzi axiom should also be familiar to Obama supporters. If I were a pundit, I'd repeat it constantly: extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof - put up or shut up. McCain's claim that Obama is closely associated with terrorists is supported by no more than the predictably ordinary evidence that Obama had a couple minor encounters with a shady character or two. Nothing more compelling than standard political encounters due to simple geographic proximity.

But pseudoscientist McCain isn't done just yet. Today he's attaching a "challenge" to his extraordinary claims: prove us wrong... prove Obama is not closely tied to radical terrorists. Naturally, this challenge is as logically flawed as the basic claim itself, since you can't prove a negative. It's Logic 101.

If I claimed somewhere on Earth there exists a unicorn, I'd be nuts to expect the rest of the world to prove me wrong. But this is exactly what McCain's doing - instead of "proving" Obama's a radical, Muslim-sympathizing, terrorist-loving, Manchurian candidate, he's challenged Obama to prove otherwise.

But we shouldn't be too concerned this appeal to pseudologic will change the minds of many voters. Like everything else about McCain/Palin's recent efforts, their "terrorist" claims and embracing of negative proof will only be blindly accepted by the most neanderthal of the neocon voter base. You know, the same logically-challenged bunch of cretins who believes the Bible is wholly and literally true.

While most Americans probably don't know who Truzzi was, most understand the extraordinary maxim in their bones. And most understand the absurdity of looking for negative proof.

McCain is in a nosedive, and I'm loving every minute of it.

..!..

2008-10-09T11:39:00.007+09:00

Robert Gibbs Bitch-Slaps Hannity

Dude, this is awesome.

Andy Martin, to which Hannity devoted one of his shows, has called Israelis "Slimy Jews" and thinks the Holocaust was a good idea.

"You'll admit you're anti-semitic?"

HA!

I bet Hannity had to change his drawers afterwards.

Like Rachel Maddow said tonight, Gibbs didn't do anything superhuman. He remained calm, stated his case numerous times, and never let the poodle nipping at his pant leg bark louder than he.

Shemp Hannity was rightly BITCH-SLAPPED.

..!..

2008-10-08T11:57:00.005+09:00

Get Ready for the 60s

Obama's debate victory will move his lead in erstwhile battleground states into the high fifties, and even -- possibly -- into the sixties.

This debate was not a "game changer" at all. In fact, Obama won hands down.

Not to mention McCain was creepy, jittery, and condescendingly referred to Obama as "that one."

And what was the "gold capped Cadillac" thing. Did he mean to say "gold toothed-Cadillac jockey"?

Bottom Line: get ready for the 60s.

In at least one battleground state, Obama's lead will hit very close to 60. This week.

I'm loving this. Every single minute of it.

..!..

2008-10-06T11:50:00.006+09:00

"I see your Ayers, and raise

you the Keating Five"

Saw it on Politico.

About fucking time.

Not to mention McCain's association with the US Council for World Freedom.

If Obama whips that baby out, it's over!

..!..

2008-10-03T11:53:00.007+09:00

Reverse Sexism: Palin's Milieu

- How can women stomach this crap? Palin's delivery is Fran Drescher meets Gidget. It's the ugliest piece of the reverse-elitism card she plays. And she plays it often.

Just imagine if a man running for Vice President, during the singular VP debate of an election, used phrases like:

"You betcha!"
"Yer darn right!"
"Joe Six-Pack"
"That's fer sure"

And so on.

(By the way, I'm looking forward to Tina Fey bringing down the house with more direct quotes from Palin's own lines.)

Among its other ills, sexism claims women aren't to be taken as seriously as men. If a woman says something profound, it must be a lie, or she must be a liberal. But if a woman can deliver a serious line while keeping the bimbo persona intact, well, that's a different story altogether.

No doubt Palin's performance tickled the hard right - it was obviously programmed to do so. But I think the reserve sexism angle will bother more women than it comforts.

Won't surprise me if most women come away from the debate with a lower opinion of Palin. Time will very soon tell.

..!..

2008-10-03T07:38:00.014+09:00

Desperation Move

Palin acts exactly as the press says she acts.
And the GOP knows it.

The GOP has raised expectations for tonight's VP debate, touting Palin's pit bull personality. According to politico.com, the Alaskan witch-free governor is poised to "go after" Joe Biden tonight. Something about his gaffes, foreign policy decisions, and 2007 campaign against other Democratic candidates.

Is this a ploy to frighten Biden? Of course not. It is a ploy, yes. But not one directed at Joe Biden.

It's directed at Palin herself.

Palin is so moldable, so coachable, and so devoid of genuine self-deprecation, that she can only "kick ass" tonight if she's been properly brainwashed into thinking she'll "kick ass" tonight.

GOP strategists are capitalizing on the realization Palin mirrors the expectations she's subjected to. Her increasingly poor performances in (non-Shemp Hannity) interviews illustrate this perfectly:

She was expected by many to perform poorly with Charlie Gibson
She did perform poorly
All over the news: Palin performed poorly
Polls react - Grampy McSame/Caribou Barbie popularity plummet
Palin sees the news; sees the polls, and so...
The next time around, with Couric, she does even worse

And so the GOP realized Palin does what the press says she does. Problem? Not if they can use the press to take advantage of this fact.

Now you know why, after spending the past few days pouring confidence into the shallowest of pools, GOP strategists have "leaked" the story that their candidate is poised to thrash Joe Biden tonight.

By "warning" the press of Palin's imminent attacks on Biden, they're molding/coaching Palin into the pit bull they hope to see tonight.

Incredibly, this proves Palin is weaker -- intellectually -- than Bush. She's no good at the lowered expectations game; the GOP's only move is to play her up beforehand. Risky business. Even W was able to famously exploit the phenomenon of lowered expectations in 2000.

But Palin's so concerned about her image the GOP has nothing else to do than brainwash her, then tell the press she's in top form, and hold their breath for 90 minutes.

Yet another "Hail Mary" pass by the McCain campaign.

..!..

2008-09-28T02:51:00.011+09:00

WHY OBAMA WON

Three clear reasons why Obama won last night's presidential debate:

1: McCain Scared to Face Obama.

No psych degree required here - McCain is either afraid of what he'll say if he looks at Obama (think 'watch it, you uppity colored boy'), or just flat-out afraid of Obama himself.

Only today are pundits really talking about this - maybe I should be on TV. As I watched it live, McSame's inability to face Obama was his most obvious mistake, in my view.

(Incidentally, some right wingers are spinning McCain's behavior as "measured indifference" -- not a particularly insightful spin, considering McCain's camp is trying like to hell to paint Obama as an elitist. Whatever indifference McCain may have conveyed was anything but 'measured.')

2: Obama Comfortable; McCain? Not So Much

Again, no advanced degree in studying human behavior required. Grampy McSame was clearly antsy; Obama was visibly relaxed. McCain's attempts at humor seemed strained, whereas Obama's reactions to ridiculous claims by McCain -- like when he compared Obama to Bush (which is still funny today) -- were genuine, but reserved chuckles. Obama was apparently having a good time.

3: Obama Versed on Foreign Policy

Once the financial angle on the USA's global standing ended, the conversation shifted to more conventional foreign policy matters. This was supposed to be McCain's strength.

Instead, Obama played him to a stalemate in a game of differing foreign policy approaches.

Today, many on both sides are grumbling their candidates weren't aggressive enough. McCain, though obviously grumpy, did not "go for the jugular" (as neocons would've liked); Obama was too conciliatory, allowing McCain to "get away" with plenty of exaggerations, mischaracterizations, and even saying McCain was "right" about at least five points.

But political fans who complain about their candidates' diluted attitudes are either freshmen, or not very astute. Holding candidates back the first go-around is what successful campaigns do. Both camps "held back" last night... purposely so.

Holding back is the filter through which both campaigns are gauging poll reactions. If the numbers show McCain's moments of "mean guy" reactions worked, then he'll be much meaner next time around. Likewise, if polls show Obama's coolness was counterproductive, he'll be more aggressive the next time around. This is all part of how experienced campaigns work.

The advantage in holding back for the first debate is Obama's. He's a level-headed guy by nature. McCain - not even close. He's a hot head. We all know that.

It's exactly why he looked so uncomfortable last night. And it's why he lost to Obama.

..!..

WHY OBAMA WON

2008-09-20T01:42:00.007+09:00

Blacks Against Obama?

(A handful of) Afro-Cubans (try to) Steal the Show

If you didn't see it, several Cubans stood up during Barack Obama's speech today in Coral Gables, Florida, with anti-Obama signs reading "Blacks Against Obama" etc.

Obama handled it brilliantly, even dishing out the dismissive "See ya," when guards escorted the Black Latinos out of the arena.

Supreme poise.

..!..

Wasilla, Alaska Native Johnston is a Sex Offender

2008-09-17T08:25:00.008+09:00

Wasilla, AK Resident Johnston:

the Sex Offender (Part 2)
-
-
I was hoping the possible linkage between Levi Johnston and Ryan Johnston (see previous post, below) would get some attention. Apparently I just don't have the visibility. Bummer.

No biggie. I'll keep yelling until someone notices.

Oh, there's more juice left in this little tomato! The address given by Ryan Johnston (Wasilla, Alaska Sex Offender - again, see below) is only half a mile away from Levi Johnston's home.

Check it -

Aint the internet neat?

Oh sure, the town of Wasilla is small, and so half a mile may not be very much.

But remember, this is Alaska: land of small populations with lots and lots of land. It's no surprise even a tiny town like Wasilla occupies quite a breadth of real estate:

Click image for a larger image

If it turns out that one of Levi Johnston's relatives is this registered sex offender, there can be no way the BFEE can steal this one. And I'll gloat for years to come.

..!..

2008-09-13T11:58:00.007+09:00

Wasilla, Alaska resident named Johnston is a Registered Sex Offender.

Any resemblance?

I've never lived in a really small American town, and so I don't know how common common (sic) surnames like "Johnston" are in these inbred sorts of communities.

But I do know there's a 22 year old registered sex offender from Wasilla, Alaska named Johnston. His full name is Ryan Edward Johnston, and it looks like he could easily be related to Levi "fuckin' redneck" Johnston. You know, that charming sperm donor who knocked up "Non Blinking" Sarah Palin's righteous Christian daughter.

You can check out the Alaskan Sex Offender Registry here.

Of course, if it turns out there is a relationship between this sex offender and Levi Johnston, it won't matter to the Ann Coulters of the world. They've rationalized Bristol's belly bomb away; they'd do the same with this news.

Man oh man, the crap I've been hearing about Bristol Palin for two weeks now (keep in mind, I work with right wing nutjobs). "Well, everyone knows a family who's had to deal with the dilemma of an over-eager teenage daughter!" they chime. "It's real common these days - certainly something most families are dealing with..."

Makes Rump Leakage 's logical leaps seem mild.

Seriously, I hate to beat a dead horse, but if the presence of a pregnant, unwed child in the family can be so easily rationalized, so could a good ol' sex offender.

"Well, everyone knows a sex offender. It's real common these days - certainly something most families are dealing with. It just shows she's one of us..."

..!..

2008-09-12T11:40:00.006+09:00

"Bush 'Dock-Trin' ?"

(They never told me about that...)

Although I'd love to have heard/seen her answer to the Bridge to Nowhere lie, I was pretty happy after the tidbits of this interview ABC aired tonight. I can't imagine those but the most rabid Ann Coulter types were impressed by this interview.

First - the 'not blinking' thing. Do you think she'll repeat this line? I hope so, because not only does it show she's more adolescent boy than sane mother, but America will see a "non-blinking attitude" as 100% George Bush.

Another non-blinker

Secondly... WOW was she smarmy and manipulative.

"Charlie" "Charlie" "Charlie"

If you're my waiter, and try that "kneel and act like you're my buddy" crap at some point during the meal, your tip just got cut in half. I say "thanks, but no thanks" to patronizing BS. What we saw in the Charlie Gibson interview was Palin doing that waiter/waitress "kneel and act like my buddy" shit.

This cutesy act may not strike some at first, but the more they see Palin do it, the more everyone will catch on. Not only it she a manipulator, but she doesn't think you'll notice it.

Third... she can't say NUCLEAR... HA. The "nuculer" caught me off guard. (Incidentally, someone please find that 2002 "new clear" cartoon I did and send it to me. It showed Karl Rove trying to teach W how to properly pronounce "nuclear" by turning the word into "new-clear").

Nuculer

It's like Beetlejuice. Maybe after so many repetitions they'll disappear.

But the highlight of the clips shown on ABC this evening was her inability to answer the Bush Doctrine question.

Dude, I'm an uneducated, enlisted man - younger than Palin (ok, not by much) - and I know what the "Bush Doctrine" is.

Whew.... okay. Okay.

Palin is like candy. Initially everyone on the right is all, "wow - this is GREAT!" but it won't take long before many will go "OK, seriously, do we want this psycho a septegenarian heartbeat away from the nuc-yoo-ler button?"

LOLOLOLOLOLLLLL!!!!

2008-09-09T21:13:00.007+09:00

"So, Sambo Beat the Bitch"

-- Don't be so quick to dismiss the account of Sarah Palin calling Barack Obama "Sambo" as a smear. Video of Palin's racism (and sexism) - inevitable to surface soon - will tear down the McCain campaign. Read all about the governor's racist comments here.

We've all met Republicans who still talk as if they're plantation owners, and so even before we get video proof of this "lady"'s racism, we know it to be a fact.

If, worst case scenario, the video doesn't surface until post-election, and Mcsame and Palin actually win, it'll be the death knell of the GOP for decades to come.

..!..

2008-09-04T12:11:00.006+09:00

"Republicans Blew It" - Noonan

Our famous friend shares some more GOP gaffes:

Peggy Noonan (R - booR), Mike Murphy (R - Rogain lover) and Chuck Todd of MSNBC spoke about the Palin pick while (they think) they're off air.

Long story short - Noonan told the world the GOP blew it. Called the pick "bullshit." Murphy fights his way through numerous tacky tongue moments. LOL.

Truthishly, I mean, like, it's another classic. And we should just accept that.

Thank you, Mr. Shearer.

..!..

Palin Opposes Free Speech

2008-09-03T09:21:00.006+09:00

Sarah Palin Opposes Free Speech?

This just keeps getting better . . .

The best part is watching the GOPhers are in full denial!

LOL!

..!..

2008-09-02T12:02:00.008+09:00

If He Knew; If He Didn't Know

Did McCain vet Sarah Palin? Here are the facts we know, just four days into Sarah Palin's VP nomination:

Palin is so wrapped up in a nepotism-themed legal battle that she's just had to hire a lawyer.

There's an abundance of video proving Palin lied about her position on the "Bridge to Nowhere."

Her unwed, teenaged daughter got knocked up in the 11th grade.

IF McCain did vet Palin, then...

1. He's willing to drag Palin's family through the mud. Including the pregnant daughter - 17 years old - through a veritable shit storm of political mudslinging. And this, coming from a guy who criticized Obama for letting his ambition get in the way of his good sense? Tsk tsk!

2. He's more desperate than we thought. Most of us immediately picked up on the desperation upon first hearing who McCain's nomination was. But for a person whose political life is in its infancy, and who we've only known for four short days, this seems satirical. Pinch me - am I dreaming?

3. He may be going senile. Eight years ago he didn't seem dumb, but these days he's more and more (apparently) losing it. How incoherent do you have to be to knowingly hire a woman with this much dirt? Especially the sort of dirt your party typically pretends is the provenance of the Democrats.

IF McCain did not vet Palin, then...

1. He's a liar. He's already gone on record stating he knew all these things before asking Palin to be his VP nominee.

2. He's a fool. Anyone with one-fourth the time he's had in Congress should know: vet, vet, vet! Everyone agreed the "estimated risk" in this pick was sacrificing his experience argument against Obama for a VP who would energize the base. But this is a base who thinks abstinence-only education actually works! Referendum on judgment? You bet!

3. He's a loser. In any competition, it's one thing to take a risk. But only the loser denies having misjudged the risk once it proves unsuccessful (see item 1).

One thing is certain: McCain has just handed the Democrats the election on a silver platter. Let's hope Obama really does stand for change - change to the way the (D)s handle silver platters.

..!..

Palin Daughter Pregnant???

2008-09-02T10:22:00.010+09:00

Question: Why don't you neoconanderthals want to teach sex education in public schools?

"Because sex education doesn't work."

It doesn't?

"No! Abstinence-only training is the only true way to keep teenagers out of trouble."

That's idiotic. Children will do what they're going to do, and the best way to keep them out of trouble is by teaching them about condoms. Republican families know this as well as Democratic families do.

"Hey, you name me one republican family that...

OOOPS!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

This is fucking classic.

Eat shit and die, you loser GOPhers. Your senile, limp dick fossil chose a real winner, didn't he?

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!

..!..

Check McInsane, joking about the victims of Hurricane Katrina

2008-09-02T09:36:00.004+09:00

Oh, oh, you're killing me... stop!

Yes, nutso, dead poor people are always funny. You silly, senile old "sin"ator.

And to think you used to have respectable positions that contradicted those of the GOP.

Palin Hypocrisy

2008-09-01T03:19:00.007+09:00

Sarah Palin Supported "Bridge to Nowhere" Before She Opposed It.

Sound familiar?

It's Ann Coulter with a figure (and smaller testicles)

2008-08-30T08:02:00.012+09:00

Sarah Palin - Another GOP Crony

By the way, unlike the Corsi parody below, this is 100% real.

Read it all for yourself. The "lady" is vile.

This is all straight from the Daily Sitka Sentinel.

Sally Palin fired a man simply because he refused to fire a man who dissed her sister.

Oh, and he didn't share her political views either.

Why am I not surprised?

..!..

Jerome Corsi: Child Pornographer?

2008-08-16T12:42:00.009+09:00

Is Jerome Corsi a Child Pornographer?

I'm no journalist, and I haven't the resources to research this allegation . . . but someone out there should really check this thing out.

This site has some pretty compelling evidence that the same Jerome Corsi of Unfit for Command, Swift Boats for Truth (sic), and now Obama Nation fame was convicted just five years ago for peddling child porn.

Anyone taking politics seriously should read Jerome Corsi's biography before buying anything else by the man (sic).

This isn't an allegation - just a question. An innocent little question couldn't hurt, regardless how untrue or libelous its implications may be... am I right?

Again, here's the link - Jerome Corsi Bio

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Adiós, España

2008-08-04T09:15:00.009+09:00

*Adiós, España* All good things must come to an end. Sadly, our trip to Spain has drawn to an end. No doubt we're sufficiently rejuvenated, but like every other time we've gone to Europe we are returning freshly reminded of the things that distinguish European culture from our own. For example, where in the USA can a couple of middle-aged foreigners stroll around the center of a city of 2 of 3 million people, at 2 or 3 a.m., without the slightest threat of being mugged, or worse?	Along Spain's most famous street, Las Ramblas
	The streets aren't just figuratively clean in Europe, they're also literally clean. Typical of everywhere you go in Europe, store managers could be seen sweeping up the areas in front of their businesses. In other spots garbage collectors cleaned up the streets, picked up stray trash, and so forth.&nbsp Little to no litter, anywhere.
Gas is still higher, but not by as much. Smart cars, mopeds, bikes abound. Of course, like so many other European people, the Spanish walk everywhere. If it's within a couple kilometers, forget about driving. Which meant we saw very few fat asses in Spain. In fact, with the exception of one very boisterous German couple, the unhealthy looking tourists we could hear spoke a very American sounding dialect of English.
	But it's not just the walking that keeps our European cousins in better shape than us. The absence of fried food from virtually every menu we looked at (the lone exception being the McDonald's we stepped into one afternoon for McFlurries); the predominance of olive oil, vegetables, and seafood. And a drink or two per day is also good for the heart, right? Naturally, we did our best to follow that guidance... But the most striking difference between American and European towns is the collective level of stress evident in people's attitudes. The first time a stranger talks to you on some random street corner, the American reaction is a defensive one: who is this weirdo, and why is he talking to me? A drunk stranger, laughing hysterically, greets you on the street at 1:30 in the morning... your reaction betrays your citizenship. In Europe, it's a given that anywhere you go, the natural state of things is an amosphere of friendliness. You probably won't get the same sort of feeling on the streets of Baltimore, Albuquerque, or Cleveland.
But as much as we'd like to live there, we couldn't afford it. Not now. The dollar is ridiculously weak right now, which makes the inflating Euro especially tough to deal with. So it's back to texas for this sunburnt pair of Barcelona-loving winos. *Yee ha.*	Sunbaked travelers.

MMccCCaaiinn

2008-06-27T09:45:00.017+09:00

Resting on his Laurel

"COUNTRY FIRST vs. SELF-SERVING PARTISANSHIP"

McCain's newest strategy is too ironic to be taken seriously.

McCain strategist Steve Schmidt has released the master plan for McCain's 2008 presidential bid: underscore McCain's willingness to sacrifice everything for his principles, while pointing to Obama's "flip flops." The main thrust of this gameplan will focus on McCain's five years as a Prisoner of War.

Are they nuts? If anything, it will serve to remind people that McCain was once a much bigger man than he currently is.

Consider this quick list of easily-proven McCain flip flops:

Torture

Abortion

Gay marriage

Immigration

The Inheritance tax

The Confederate flag

Ethanol

Ethics Reform

The Religious Right

Cuba

How to deal with terrorists

Privatizing Social Security

Ease of "victory" in Iraq

America's "official" language

FISA

Iraq timetable

Oil company profits

Tax cuts

Surely an exhaustive search for issues about which McGrumpy's waffled would contain five times this many subjects.

If this is the best Schmidt can do, the rapture-ublicans are in deep shit.

..!..

George Carlin:

2008-06-24T08:32:00.006+09:00

George Carlin: Visionary. Comic Genius. Civil Libertarian.

To give you an idea how much Carlin offended the self-righteous right wing, check out these comments by FOX News bloggers:

"He hasn’t been funny since his first appearance on Johnny Carson. Since then, sophomoric at best. He never grew out of the hippie phase. Sad to say, but I won’t miss him for a second."

"George was not funny. Nothing he said had any depth to it. He lived his life in opposition of all that was good and now, sadly, he faces eternity without the God of love he so hated."

"I don’t understand. Please clarify. This man was a known and admitted atheist. He used vile language, and was downright vulgar. Why in Heaven’s name is he so passionately missed and revered?"

"The Gene pool just improved. George will forgotten, but not really missed!"

"I shall not miss his dirty excuss for humor. He showed disreprct for God, Crist and the religions of the world. His next show will be a hot sold out performance, now appearing in hell."

"He finally shut up..Sorry it had to be by death, but I did not like his mouth..Filthy and disgusting."

Funny how hateful the self-righteous can be when they're challenged to examine their own stupidity. These folks, who criticize the left for political correctness, curse a man for speaking his opposition to their fairy tales.

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Tim Russert

2008-06-14T07:37:00.028+09:00

As Fair as it Got

Tim Russert, 58

Obviously, reporters are used to being labeled 'unfair.' Some of these allegations are accurate, but frequently they're without substantiation. Often little more than rallying cries pundits wield against legitimate reporting. Partisans unable to offer logical criticisms of a journalist's work will typically defer to the tired old "liberal bias" or "media whore" labels.

The most common of these is the "bias" tactic; the right owns this one. Characterized by a selective recollection of the reporter's work, it usually falls apart once fleshed out logically (Bernard Goldberg's [confirmation] Bias is the Rosetta Stone of selective-memory-as-'science'). Most on the right never seem to mind the pseudoscientific nature of their favorite complaint. Then again, most accept the story of Noah's Ark, Lott's wife, and the rest of the Bible's mythology as literally true.

Recently these accusations have arisen from the left, as well. However, due to the difference in thought patterns, these manifest themselves as allegations of corporate sell-outism. I.e. a journalist being 'unfair,' to a liberal, is a "media whore" -- the implication being he or she has traded principles for a fat, corporate news salary. Often, as in the case of Dick Morris, it's an accurate description. But in some instances the characterization stems from critics' fundamental inability to discern between reporting and editorializing.

Mr. Russert caught it from both ends. Those on the right unable to find a hole in Russert's work would pull out the "liberal bias" card; those on the left who confused his reporting with editorializing loved to call him a "media whore."

In reality, however, he was neither. Tim Russert was as fair as it got.

..!..

Mooooooooo

2008-06-08T02:05:00.007+09:00

FOX News: Hillary "Mad Cow" Clinton

Have you noticed the preponderance of Mad Cow stories running on the banner below the image of Senator Clinton?

What a petty little organization, that.

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Confirmation Bias and the future "we told you it shoulda been Hillary" forecast

2008-06-03T12:38:00.007+09:00

Confirmation Bias

Before 9/11, my online efforts were largely directed at battling pseudoscience, like the crap spewed by religious zealots claiming to have disproved evolutionary theory, or the dime-a-dozen ‘Grand Unifying Theories’ by hack theoretical “physicists” claiming to have resurrected some pre-Einsteinian model of time. So when I caught the political bug in 2001, I was already intimately familiar with people unable to escape their own cognitive biases.

The phenomenon of Confirmation Bias is the psychological mechanism whereby a person only tends to notice stuff that supports what that person already believes, and tends to overlook evidence that contradicts what he or she believes. It’s a mindset all scientists must learn to overcome; an obstacle to objective evaluation folks who believe in things like Astrology, UFOs, and Bigfoot apparently cannot overcome.

Numerous neocons are enslaved by this mental mechanism. In fact, for a long time, the more I studied the right wing mouthpieces, the more I became convinced being incapable of seeing around one’s own biases tends to make a person conservative.

(There are just as many ascientific nut jobs on the left who've proved this idea wrong.)

One of the first targets of my “satire” was Bernard Goldberg’s book “Bias.” That rag was one of the most obvious cases of Confirmation Bias I’ve ever seen (yes, I bought and read the whole thing without barfing once). Goldberg’s "Bias" may as well have been called “Stuff I Remember Noticing.” In my spoof I presented a Shepard Smith review of the book with excerpts. (I recently resurrected the “satirical” piece here.)

As I mentioned above, unfortunately there are those on the left just as enslaved to their cognitive biases. Wackos like the WTC conspiracy theorists. The nut jobs who believe in astral projection. And many of Hillary Clinton’s supporters (though if the tables were turned - i.e., if Obama were on the brink of losing the nomination - many his supporters would be just as incapable of rational thought).

Regardless who our nominee is this fall, if that person loses to McCain, supporters of the alternative Democratic choice . . . those who cannot overcome their own cognitive biases . . . will scream, “See? We told you so! We nominated the wrong candidate!”

But that's not our big obstacle at this moment. Our primary focus at this time is to keep these cognitive-bias-saddled Hillary supporters from destroying our opportunity before we win. We don't need to pull a GOP-esque self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sean Insanity, Rush Limbaugh, Bill Orally and the rest of the right wing ascientific bunch continuously point to a handful of media figures as "liberal." Amazingly, many Clinton and Obama supporters point to these same, exact people as "pro-GOP" or "media whores." If you're not sure who on the left are incapable of thinking rationally --of seeing around their own cognitive biases-- a good starting point is these people. Coppage, for example, (the Bartcop guy) has let many of us down, revealing his own inability to see around his confirmation biases. Showing us his IQ really is just south of the Forrest Gump range.

If the GOP somehow wins this fall, convincing Clinton supporters their candidate would’ve been equally vulnerable to the Swift Boating job by Faux News et al will be like trying to convince Bible thumpers to take a rational view of evolutionary theory.

But that scenario will only become a reality if we let the ascientific, irrational sorts prevail. There are numerous, logical Clinton supporters out there. Let's hope they keep a lid on the idiotic fringes who cannot overcome their cognitive biases.

..!..

Notch another deployment on the belt

2008-06-02T13:00:00.016+09:00

"We Report . . .

About one-fifth the news everyone else reports

(...that’s all we can talk about without reminding you the GOP is in trouble)."

It's awesome to be back with my family.

It's great to be home.

The back yard barbecue we had today was sheer joy. And it didn't take much suds to lift my spirits. My beer tolerance needs some work. Think I'll spend a good portion of my R&R time working on that...

It's always interesting to jump back into the "real world" after being gone for a significant chunk of time. The only TV news I got while deployed was FOX News (sic). My observations, therefore, should come as no surprise:

Ted Kennedy has an inoperable brain tumor? FNC didn't tell me this. I guess it's not "newsworthy" in their petty little minds. Apparently this was big news two weeks ago. That is, newsworthy to every news outlet except Rupert Murdoch's pile of shit.

Scott McClellan has published a book. Some sort of minor thing, you know, which suddenly seemed a lot bigger once I arrived home. And saw the real news networks.

Gasoline rose by 75 cents during my deployment. Of course I was aware of this, from conversations with my wife. But it didn't sink in until I saw it with my own eyes. Holy sheep feces. And it's supposed to inflate by another dollar over the summer. Joy.

I did learn a few things while watching nothing but FOX. When Dick Morris opines, his bottom lip moves in more directions than Mitt Romney's stance on abortion. Alan Colmes is more poised when he argues with Sean Insanity than I remember, though he still gets bitch-slapped occasionally. Mediocre comics with right-leaning political stances have established a late-night FNC show called the "Idiot Zone" or something.

What else, oh -- FOX News is petrified of Obama. Shemp Hannity is hilarious with his "Obama has connections with communist radicals" spin. And his "Hannity's America" show is hilariously dumb. Apparently, according to Shemp, Obama used to hang out with the Unabomber. Or something equally fabricated.

FNC wanted to get Hillary nominated, and tried for several weeks, until it became clear that's not going to happen. At this point they started asking "should Hillary run as an independent?" Ha!

I never heard a thing about Reverend Hagee. Not once in six months. You know, John McCain's Reverend Wright. Oh . . . I saw plenty about Reverend Wright, and some white Priest mocking Hillary Clinton. But Hagee – nothing. Now that I’m back in the real world, I’ve seen the Hagee clips and WOW.

None of this really comes as a surprise, but it's noteworthy.

-------------------------

On "our" side of the political fence, I've noticed my friend Bartcop acting inexplicably anti-Obama. Calls Rachel Maddow "Olbermann's toady" and thinks a McCain win will "prove" Hillary should've run instead of Obama. Maybe his IQ really is 60.

Speaking of Olbermann, he's getting fat. Not extremely so, just enough for someone gone for a half a year to notice. But he's still fighting the good fight, so I say lecture on O Jolly Man.

Rachel Ray has porked up as well, and seems to have aged about ten years. The scarf ad looked like the Rachel I remembered; her "mainstream" cooking show - on the other hand - looks like it's hosted by an older sister on Prednizone or something.

Huffingtonpost.com has made some improvements to their comments feature, Stephanie Miller still rules the airwaves, eBay sucks donkeys dicks (though I use it for beer can images... heh heh), snopes.com is just as silly as ever, Daily Kos still kicks ass, and YouTube still proves a valuable resource for SHIT I JUST DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT.

One last thing - how is "morning joe" without anyone named Joe? Is Scarborough - an embarrassment to many of us Pensacolians - so powerful an NBC employee these days that he can take huge chunks of time off while his staff continues to run his namesake morning show in his absence?

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Billow not crossing his T's again Maybe his vibrator was still on

2007-12-30T14:22:00.003+09:00

Who in the hell is Rod Seiger?

According to this retard, an actor

Don't know the date from the repeat O'Reilly show I stumbled across, but in it he's condescendingly hosting a "Culture Quiz" with contestants Steve Doofus and some blonde woman.

Anyway, as Orally asks the question, you see a scene from the 1950s movie "On the Waterfront" with Rod Steiger and Marlon Brando. After Doocey and the blonde lady correctly answer the question (about Brando), Billow interjects his own, supplemental trivia question: Who was the other actor we just saw . . . next to Marlon Brando?

Doocey guesses "Karl Malden" (yes, Doocey is fucktard), and the woman hazards no guess. The answer, as I indicated above, is Rod Steiger.

But here comes the punch line: obviously this wasn't a programmed question, as I gleefully witnessed during O'Reilly's proud pronouncement to his stumped guests:

"ROD SEIGER"

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

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Beware of the Big Dog

2007-10-27T10:49:00.001+09:00

The wack jobs even have Bill Clinton rebuking them.

Big bad Bill can tolerate a lot of shit - but the truly ridiculous will get his goat every time.

Especially when it makes the left wing look as stupid as the right wing.

How much embarrassment are these knuckleheads trying to spread across the left swath of the political yard?

I'm feeling it - how about you?

Remember when we used to be the logical ones?

I used to take pride in the fact our side of the political spectrum was the more discerning, rational group. You know, the thinkers. We could look at religion, superstition, or other manifestations of the foolishness of the right, and – through logic – demonstrate just how idiotic our political foes were.

But this growing group of left wing nutbags stupidly insisting 9/11 was an “inside job” have shown the world there are more types of illogical boobs than just those on the religious right.

If confronted by a creationist, how in the hell could one of these 9/11 conspiracy theorists expect to be taken seriously when he or she applied “logic” to the evolution/creationism argument?

If you're one who honestly believes this 9/11 conspiracy stuff, but have the courage to objectively examine the evidence, please take an objective gander at the information on this site.

..|..

Red State changes its name to sore pussy

2007-10-27T07:59:00.003+09:00

HA!

The neocons are afraid of speech, and - once again - have banned those who don't precisely agree with them.

No news here - most of us with at least a foot in reality understand the radical righties are petrified of rationale.

But it's pretty funny.

....

Check your whorl

2007-10-24T11:49:00.001+09:00

Sooner or later the right wing will have to acknowledge that genetics - not personal choice - define a person's sexuality.

(Click on the image for details)

Since reading the articles on that hair whorl thing, I can't help but notice the whorls on those heads around me. After all, this is military world, and we're all walking around with short hair - makes it easy to see another fella's whorl.

And when I caught a glimpse of Neil Cavuto's counterclockwise whorl, it struck me - these closeted right wingers are very close to being outed! Ha!

In fact,

I have nothing against homosexuality. Sure, I've poked fun at it, and would be initially bothered to learn a loved one was gay. But I'd be equipped to cope with such a thing: I'm intellectually and emotionally able to recognize the fact that sexuality is not a matter of choice.

What more traitorous thing could a person do than deny himself? We already know the GOP is full of traitors --- and I can't wait for the day when most of the world realizes what we political junkies already know:

The loudest corners of the anti-gay political world are filled with homosexuals.

....

He admitted what?

2007-09-24T07:12:00.001+09:00

Why General Petraeus said, "I Don't Know."

-----------------------------

The Political Tool is Embarrassed at Being a Political Tool

He may be the second most powerful player in our deployed military, but General Petraeus has been made a pawn by President Bush. The recognition of -- and reaction to -- this fact is what motivated him to say he doesn't know whether the war in Iraq is making America any safer.

In response to Senator Warner's question General Petraeus could have said any number of things. And, he may have actually been considering this answer:

"I personally think so."

In fact, I bet General Petraeus was tempted to offer his opinion. Torn between "I personally think so" and "I don't know."

Whether or not the former would've been a lie was not the primary reason he chose the latter. In fact, although it might have been an honest response for him to say, "I personally believe so," General Petraeus responded "I don't know" because the spectacle of being a political device disgusted him.

I'm betting something like the following ran through his mind during those dramatic moments between Warner's question and his answer:

1. A simple "Yes" would be a blatantly political response.
2. I am not supposed to be a political figure.
3. In order to conceal the political nature of my response, I might qualify "Yes" with an "in my opinion..."
4. No, that won't work, because even if I qualify my answer as my own, personal opinion, it will be a political response, and that fact will not escape the American public.
5. As I am not supposed to be a political tool, I'll stick to the military role...

"Sir, I believe this is indeed the best course of action to achieve our objectives in Iraq."

(Warner repeats the question)

1. I am a political pawn. This is bullshit. I can't stand by and let this miserable president ruin my legacy.

"Sir, I don't know actually."

This is not to say General Petraeus realized his role as political pawn at the moment Warner questioned him. Obviously he's no dummy.

But I don't think he knew the question was coming, and may have even, for a split second, thought, "how dare they?" In the seconds that followed the question, he undoubtedly recognized Warner's motives were much more honorable than anything pre-scripted by the Bush regime. Maybe the sight of another decent Republican before him motivated him to choose "I don't know."

Remember: "I don't know" and "I think so" are not mutually exclusive, and could both be honest answers.

Having spent so much of my life around very decent, intelligent military professionals, I tend to think the best of people like General Petraeus. Just as most people are decent, so are most military folks.

Some of us recognized it earlier, but the majority of men and women in uniform see the administration for what it really is.

....

I continue to shamelessly plug.... er, advertise the Lewd Larry thing

2007-09-23T04:34:00.002+09:00

Lewd Larry and his self-loathing, denial-city homo repugnant buds.

Hear, Hear Mr. Maher!

2007-09-16T03:01:00.001+09:00

Though the conspiracy theory that the US Government/BFEE orchestrated the events of 9/11 is not restricted to lefties, most who espouse it are liberals. And, even if a miniscule portion of us subscribes to the idiotic theory, neocons can gleefully point to it as proof we're stupid.

So thank Buddha Bill Maher said this. Yes, right wing world, most of us on the left are smarter than Rosie O'Donnell.

Too bad Bill couldn't have aired this piece last week, when brain damaged Mos Def was touting the moronic theory on the show.

....

Lewd Larry

2007-09-08T12:35:00.004+09:00

Larry Craig is a naughty, nasty boy.

By the way, I'm sorry if I offend any Mos Def fans, but he's on Maher's show right now and what a moron. Holy shit. Thank Koresh Bill's got Dr. West on the panel.

..!..

So goddamned funny because it's true. And I'm a funny SOB.

2007-09-03T15:52:00.002+09:00

Lewd Larry in "Naughty Boy."

Not a YouTube fan? You're welcome to download a WMV of the movie here:

Enjoy

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Quittin' time

2007-08-28T08:44:00.001+09:00

When the Going Gets Tough, the Conservative Resigns.

Like this guy.

And this guy.

And these guys.

On the other hand, when the tough man is knocked down, he gets back up and faces his opponents...

"Winners never quit and quitters never win."

-Vincent Lombardi

Speaking of FOOTBALL and politics, if you're like me you often think of political cartoons, but lack the ability to draw. So keep that in mind when checking out my nifty Paintbrush.exe 'toon about the Michael Vick saga:

And last, but certainly not least...

LARRY CRAIG NABBED IN MEN'S ROOM SOLICITING UNDERCOVER POLICEMAN!

In case you don't already know, Craig is one of those repugnant conservatives who rabidy bashes homosexuals and lobbies for the "protection" of marriage. Moreso than your typical Sean Retarditty - you know, the stuff self-loathing, totally-in-denial homosexuals do to compensate for their desperately unwanted yet totally innate "perversion." Like Matt Drudge, Michael Savage, Arthur Finkelstein, Ken Mehlman, and Rush Limbaugh.

You know, all those guys in the Homosexual Mafia.

Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!

....

Matt Drudge's counterclockwise crown

2007-08-22T11:46:00.001+09:00

Does Matt Drudge wear a Panama Hat to cover his counterclockwise crown?

Is Matt Drudge's counter-clockwise whorl significant?

Is it really a well-known fact that conservative water carrier Matt Drudge is a closet homosexual?

That is to say, is Matt Drudge a self-loathing gay man?

Isn't it cool how asking a question instead of making an assertion - like, say, asking if it's true Matt Drudge uses warming gel when he rides his favorite dildo - is a cowardly way to smear someone without actually libeling them?

Which brings me to my main question: is Matt Drudge a self-loathing, closeted homosexual?

If Drudge is not a homosexual, why does the word "gay" typically appear a dozen or more times in every article written about him? That's not even true of Tom Cruise, is it?

Do all self-hating homosexuals despise liberals, or are people like Matt Drudge, David Dreier, Ken Mehlman, Mark Foley and Ann Coulter the exception?

;)

Robert Wuhl's Assumed Position: Liar

2007-07-08T12:04:00.001+09:00

He's a walking urban legend.

On his HBO show, "Assume the Position," Robert Wuhl purports to present little-known tidbits of American history while separating myths and erroneous "common knowledge" from the ugly truths no one's bothered to tell us. It's a gimmicky comedy show, and if you've ever seen Wuhl perform, you'll understand why he needs more than just his sense of humor to get on HBO.

But it only works if Wuhl doesn't get sloppy on us.

In his latest installment, Wuhl claimed Hedy Lamarr's skinny dipping scene from 1933's Ecstasy was "the first nude scene in motion picture history," and that Barbara Bush is a "direct descendant" of Franklin Pierce.

I recognized both as falsehoods the moment I heard them.

Hocus-Pocus and Wuhl

Having been around tall-tale tellers my whole career, I've grown to despise urban legends and those who sloppily spread them. So, a show like the one Wuhl claims to give us should be my sort of thing. But a man who spreads urban myths while purporting to dispel them is even more despicable than someone who simply repeats urban myths without giving them much thought in the first place.

Claiming Barbara Bush is a "direct descendant" of Franklin Pierce fit neatly into Wuhl's asinine routine, as did Lamarr appearing in the first nude scene in motion picture history. I guess it's just too hard for Wuhl et staff to make such comically symmetric "lesson plans" with just the facts.

A comedic history lesson whose punchline neatly returns to its premise is only worthy if it's factual.

For the record, Barbara Bush descended from a fourth cousin of Franklin Pierce's. And, though I don't know what motion picture featured the first nude scene, I do know (and own a copy) of a 1920 Lon Chaney movie one scene of which shows, quite prominently, a nude young woman modeling for a sculptress.

Scene from 1920's The Penalty

Now, if some average shmo like me, with no particular knack for movie and/or presidential trivia, can spot two mistakes in as many minutes, imagine how many lies Wuhl averages in a 30 minute show.

I'd been debating on canceling HBO - and I think this just sealed the deal.

..!..

BLACK

2007-06-13T10:26:00.001+09:00

"Made in America" - a brilliant finale to The Sopranos.

What does "FORD" stand for?

"Found On Road, Dead"

---0---

Anticipation...

For seven seasons Tony's been least happy whenever he's forced to deal with his lawyer, Mink.

This is because Tony only visits with his lawyer when he's up shit creek.

Yet for seven years Tony has managed to escape serious legal penalties. We, the fans, are intimately familiar with the sense of anticipation Tony must be experiencing every time he's with Mink.

So naturally we revisit the 1970s "Anticipation" ketchup commercial as Mink is torturing Tony with the anticipation of something that never seems to come - the RICO case.

While detailing for Tony the troubles that lie ahead, Mink literally hits the bottom of his nonresponsive ketchup bottle with each syllable. Finally, a frustrated Tony snatches the bottle from Mink, so that he can get the shit over with.

Now that's anticipation.

---0---

AJ - master of self-contradiction:

Insightfully quotes Yeats, yet naively mispronounces the author's name.

Environmentally conscious, yet drives a gas-hogging SUV.

Despises Bush, but wants to join the war in Afghanistan.

Appreciates nature, and the appropriateness of the message in a counterculture, 2-generations-old Dylan song, but not so much that he'll dare leave his parents' nest, or even step out of his warm car to get a closer look.

Ironically, the most anti-pollution device on the gas guzzling SUV ignites a pile of dead leaves.

AJ and his doll escape the ensuing fire as the SUV explodes.

And so does AJ's self-pity, philosophical disquiet, and moral waffling.

The fence has fallen, and AJ is forced to pick a side. Soon, we see him happily zipping around in a beamer.

---0---

Paulie, Christopher, and the cat -

The only Sopranos character more superstitious than Paulie Walnuts was Christopher Moltisanti.

So naturally, the street cat we meet in this episode interacts - almost exclusively - with Paulie and Chris.

Well, a photo of Chris.

The jacket Chris is wearing in this picture - especially the way it's unzipped between two slanted "eyes" - looks a bit like the face of a tabby cat.

Okay, maybe that's stretching it.

Maybe we're supposed to think the cat is Adriana reincarnated, but I see something else - at one point revived from having been clinically dead, Moltisanti ("many known") literally had more than one life. Like the proverbial cat*.

In "The Legend of Tennessee Moltisanti," would-be author Chris creates a story one plot twist of which involves a character walking on a Soft, Tar Roof, as opposed to Tennessee Williams, who wrote about a Hot, Tin Roof.

Upon which walked a cat.

Ha... I'm really stretching this shit, huh?

---0---

Choose your ending: The Final Scene

(1) The Sopranos live another day.

Fishy characters populate the diner Tony and family visit.

Some guy at the bar keeps looking back at Tony, but Tony doesn't seem to notice.

There's suspense all around. Everything seems to be building up to something...

But nothing happens.

And that's life for the Sopranos, isn't it? Isn't every stranger a bit suspicious to this family?

Don't stop believing. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

(2) Lights Out!

As he, himself, speculated in earlier episodes, "made" guys probably don't realize it when they get whacked.

At a random point during their appetizer, everything stops. No sound. No video. Not "fade to black" - just black.

Tony never saw it coming, though the audience might have.

Just moments before the lights go out, that suspicious guy at the bar gets up and heads into the bathroom. We never see him exit the bathroom, but from the camera angles Chase gives us we wouldn't have.

Mario Puzo would be pleased.

(3) Homicide Bomber

(The suspicious guy I've been talking about)

Does this guy seem Arabic to you?

Did his cheesy jacket seem a little too stuffed?

Are you taking any of this seriously?

Meadow, whose symbolic readjustments are keeping her just beyond the nuclear family, enters the diner a little late, and so she misses it. What she witnesses may smother her idealism like AJ's exploding SUV extinguished his.

When this Members Only guy returns from the bathroom, he detonates a rack of TNT taped to his chest.

After all, the hatred that fuels suicide bombers was Made in America.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

* In Italy, cats are said to have seven lives, though most of us are used to hearing nine.

Their Grandmother announces bid for president

2007-05-31T08:57:00.001+09:00

"Vote for me, and I'll bake up some tasty treats!"

GOP candidate pool officially now the size of a small town.

Quick! What does Fred Dalton Thompson have in common with

Daniel James Barnett,
Dewey R. Broughman,
Samuel D. Brownback,
Edward A. Buck,
Anthony Lungo Carter,
Eamon Patrick Clune,
Hugh Cort,
John H. Cox,
Lowell Jackson Fellure,
Robert L. Forthan,
Anthony Keith Gallagher,
Daniel A. Gilbert,
James S. Gilmore,
Rudolph W. Giuliani,
Joe Honeychurch,
Mildred T. Howard,
Michael D. Huckabee,
Duncan L. Hunter,
Timothy Charles Kalemkarian,
Philip A. Kok,
Yaphet Kotto,
Alden Link,
Elvena E. Lloyd-Duffie,
Yehanna Joan Mary Malone,
John Sidney McCain,
James Creighton Mitchell,
Robert Edward Edward Moreau,
George E. Pataki,
Ron Paul,
William Nathaniel Raven,
Willard Mitt Romney,
Marshall Samuel Sanders,
Freddy Irwin Sitnick,
Michael Charles Smith,
Richard Michael Smith,
Johns Wallace Stevenson,
Tom Gerald Tancredo,
and
Tommy G. Thompson?

------------------------

Seriously, there are twice as many GOP candidates vying for 2008 as Democratic candidates.

Why is this? Either

everyone and their grandmother is eager to continue the noble work of our current administration . . . or
more republicans than ever before are alarmed at the way their party is destroying America, and feel they personally have to fix it.

Hmmm....

Quick! Fetch the Midol.

2007-05-29T09:31:00.001+09:00

Power Line's Pussy Hurts

John at PLB is whining because Google didn't prepare a Google Doodle for Memorial Day.

Google is an international business, and has created doodles for Korean Liberation Day, the World Cup, Persian New Year, Chinese New Year, Bastille Day, Shichi-go-san (Japan), and the Summer games in Australia. But the majority of Google's doodles focus on American holidays. I don't believe they've missed a 4th of July yet.

If crying were chocolate and bourbon, PowerLine would be a 400 pound lush.

BTW, as an alternative to Google, the PLB braintrust point to DogPile. Dogpile, as most of you probably already know, filters its scans directly through Google. LOL!

"What 'clustering'? I barely
understand search engines..."

Meet Mr. Opportunity

2007-05-26T08:26:00.001+09:00

. .. .. .. .

If you're like me, your favorite moment from the second GOP debate was Ron Paul's analysis of worldwide anti-American sentiment, and its root causes. If you're like most republicans, your favorite moment came only moments afterwards, when Rudolph Giuliani interrupted the man to express his disgust with Paul's opinion.

To most of the right, Giuliani's response reflected their personal views on 9/11 and the War in Iraq. The remainder of the world recognized Giuliani doing Giuliani.

Check out the video for a good laugh.

..!..

Immigration Inflation

2007-05-21T05:47:00.001+09:00

Anti-immigration Conservatives Reap What Their Greed Has Sown

Is a gallon of gas worth 45 minutes of this?

Though they constantly say they loathe illegal immigration, the GOP has happily turned the other way while their corporate buddies exploit illegals for profit. But, with an election on the horizon the situation has snowballed into something ugly, and they're being forced to do something not-eactly-hawkish about it. Could the neocons have avoided this mess?

I think so. I think the GOP's habitual refusal to address the federally mandated minimum wage, along with the greed that drove their constituents to nurture illegal immigration, has brought the right wing to this.

In 1981 I got my first job. It was the summer between 10th and 11th grades, I'd just moved to a new town, and wanted to buy a car. And so, on most days of the week I slung hush puppies and North Atlantic Cod for the newly opened Captain D's on Atlantic Blvd in Jacksonville, FL. For 35 hours a week I earned $3.35 an hour - the federally mandated minimum wage of the time.

It wasn't a bad deal. At 16, I had a whopping 80-something bucks a week (post-taxes). I was a kid living at home; the money was all mine! Even with the ridiculous gas prices of the late 70s and early 80s, eighty bucks could keep a teenager pretty happy for a week.

Consider - in 1981, $3.35 bought:

more than three gallons of gas ($1.10 average per gallon)
twenty-two stamps (15 cents each)
seven loaves of bread (45 cents avg)
an hour and forty-five minutes at $3.35/hr could buy most record albums (at six dollars apiece)
three hours of work could get you into any concert
the average new car, at $7,600, cost (pre-tax) 2,267 hours, or 57 forty-hour weeks of minimum-wage work.

Now, as you all know, the federal minimum wage hasn't changed in ten years. Obviously, this means today's minimum wage-earner cannot buy nearly as much as I could in 1981.

For instance, in 2007 $5.15 buys:

one and a half gallons of gas
twelve stamps
two loaves of bread
3.5 hours will buy most new albums (avg $18)
five hours, at least, for a concert's nosebleed seats ($25 for the shitty seats)
the average new car is $27,700 bucks; you're looking at 5,379 hours of pre-tax work, or about 135 forty-hour weeks of minimum-wage work.

So it's pretty fucking clear why many of today's teenagers aren't exactly beating down Captain D's doors (and the clueless wonder why today's youth isn't "motivated").

How does the federally-mandated minimum wage affect the current dilemma the GOP is facing on immigration reform?

Rapture-ublicans controlled Congress from 1995 until 2007, and for the past ten years remained stubbornly stagnant on the issue of increasing the minimum wage. Greed, you understand, is considered a virtue among these assholes.

Nevertheless, as time passed inflation happened, and there came a time when $5.15 an hour was insufficient. At the same time, corporations needing unskilled, low-wage labor were losing employees.

The solution? Either (1) raise wages - thereby attracting more unskilled American teenagers/young adults, or (2) find another group of people willing to work for $5.15 an hour.

Most corporations happily chose curtain two. They figured out they could get immigrant workers to bust their humps for the federally-mandated minimum wage. Teenagers and pre-college/trade school adults were no longer needed as the foundation of America's unskilled work force. Better yet, once the fat cats figured out many of their newly found immigrant workers weren't in the USA legally, the corporate-immigrant understanding became "you work for less than $5.15 an hour/we won't turn you in."

So much for conservative values, eh?

Anyway, for over a decade no one said "boo" as Minute Maid, Del Monte, and Mott's boosted their profits on the backs of illegal immigrants willing to work for next to nothing. Immigrants flocked here, illegally. Corporations' profits skyrocketed. Congressional (R)s looked the other way.

And now we are where we are. The GOP's long-standing refusal to keep the minimum wage at a competitive level snowballed into a monster they cannot now escape. With a (D)-run congress in town, a general election on the horizon, and their own rabid-right-wing a.m. radio mouthpieces fueling their base's passion, the GOP is being forced to face a gigantic problem of their own making.

Suck it up, crybabies. You've got no one but yourselves to blame.

....

Don't Edit Limbaugh

2007-05-07T01:33:00.002+09:00

It'd give him the thing that keeps him so popular

Though they are in the minority, right wing extremism has built for itself an ultra-concentrated media complex. One TV news organization. One radio band with one line up. One type of popular music. And so forth.

This concentrated mediaplex is the reason they can honestly claim the most popular cable news network, the most popular radio personalities, etc. For instance, although total viewership of non-hyperconservative news channels outnumbers viewers of FOX News by a ratio of 3 to 1, the rabid right can technically claim they've got the most popular cable news channel in the country.

This tendency to clump around singularities is what defines hyperconservatism. It's a greedy mindset. Stay close to home. Stockpile your assets, and store them all in the same vault. When untouched by outside, regulating forces, it's the kind of thing whose growth is undone by its own overreaching. Without the liberal democratic base, it's dangerous (see: Hitler); in a liberal democracy it's the sort of thing that regularly self-destructs via political implosion. The Whigs, the American Civil War, isolationism, McCarthyism, Nixon.

So, ironically, when we "outsiders" successfully police (e.g., Imus) the singularity-focused type of hyperconservatism that we find alive and well today, this hyperconservatism actually strengthens. It draws its members closer together, confirming for them the world "really is out to get" them. It's as if a delusionally magnified sense of persecution oils the machine that drives these nuts towards their goals.

I think it's better if we ignore the nutcases, like those who run the Excessiveness In Buttboils network, who bait society with their "Barack the Magic Negro" type of nonsense. When they're left to their own devices, they overcram into their condensed locales, ultimately imploding. When outsiders come in and police their stupidity, they actually gain more momentum towards growth, not the overcrowding that regularly does them in.

So, the "Barack the Magic Negro" sort of stunt is more successful at propagating the right wing paranoia machine when it's shut down by mainstream society.

Why not leave them alone, leave them to their own demise?

....

Rump Leakage gets an F minus minus in history

2007-04-23T05:38:00.001+09:00

Rush Limbaugh says we're going to find out Cho Seung-Hui was a liberal.
What does history say?

YouTube version:

WMV version:

Enjoy...

..!..

Cooties!

2007-04-23T01:18:00.001+09:00

Karl Rove recoils when Shery Crow touches him.
Are you surprised?

One reason Rove is such a staunch neocon is his homophobia, a condition that typically leads its hosts into the darkest realms of hardcore right wing mania.

Last night Sheryl Crow and Laurie David got a glimpse into the severity of Rove's neurosis. Read about it here.

Obviously, the self-loathing closet case didn't expect Sheryl Crow to touch him, and without a prepared reaction he acted naturally. He was grossed out.

HA!

....

Cake ownership and eating it also, or something

2007-04-15T04:25:00.001+09:00

Either the "Free Market" always works itself out, or employers don't have the right to fire employees.
The right wing wants it both ways.

Good riddance, Mush Mouth

CBS and MSNBC dumped Don "Mush Mouth" Imus because neither network could survive airing his show without the ad revenue they'd lose if they did. It wasn't a decision based on morality, or social responsibility. It was based on economics. Simple as that.

Some think Imus has been deprived of his First Amendment rights, but he has not. Remember - civil liberties are freedoms you have that (supposedly) protect you from the government... Imus hasn't been charged with any crime. It's not the government punishing him. It's his employers. And, just as you can't expect the same privacy at your job you can expect in your home (again, supposedly), your freedom of speech at work is trumped by your employer's rights. An employer can levy her or his own rights against you, just as MSNBC and CBS did with MarbleMouth.

If your teenager works in McDonald's, and is fired for telling customers, "Burger King is a lot better than this crap," or, "hey, at least our french fry cooks aren't wetbacks," I doubt you'd get very far trying to recover damages from McDonald's for firing your kid.

This "I-Mess," as Olbermann calls it, serves as a fine example of capitalism at work; it should be embraced by the right wing as such. It was, after all, the market working itself out. Manufacturers and customers are only two components of a market; let us not forget about the employer-employee relationship -- just as much a part of any market as the manufacturer-client relationship.

But the choir of right-wing noise makers have conveniently changed their tune for the moment. Instead of shouting, "the market has again worked itself out," too many of them are singing "hypocrisy! The liberal media are having it both ways!" Imus, they remind us, was only repeating what hip-hop/rap stars say in their music. FOX News, talk radio, and the editorialists of various "news"papers have expressed this sentiment for nearly a week now.

They obviously think the majority of their audience is dumb.

Usually, the right wing wisdom machine (sic) reliably reminds us why a free market is such a grand thing: it's a self-regulating entity. No matter what bumps lie in the proverbial road, the truly free market always "works itself out." This obvious fact is a reliable fall-back for the right.

For instance, if Limbaugh was wrong for asking a black woman to take a bone out of her nose, or for suggesting a Latino runner won a marathon because an immigration official chased him the last ten miles, then, say the neoconanderthals, "the market would've taken care of itself." I.e., either he'd have been fired by an employer fully in its right to dump him, or he'd have eventually lost enough listeners to become nonviable economically. "The market didn't negatively react, his employer didn't fired him, and therefore it was OK." And, technically, they are correct.

Why? Because the free market does always work itself out. Oh, not in a way that preserves (or restores) what most would define as ethical behavior. But in a way that preserves itself.

Which is why an honest FOX News would use this episode to illustrate the virtues of the free market, and then move on.

Wait -- did I just say, "an honest FOX News"??? HA!! I need a minute...

..!..

Is YouTube conversion ruining your audio quality too?

2007-04-08T03:09:00.001+09:00

Compare my video with the train wreck YouTube's converter made:

MINE:

POST-YOUTUBE CONVERSION:

Obviously the YouTube conversion fucks it all up. How does one pre-empt this shit? How is it the video I created and then uploaded onto my own site sounds fine, but turns to shit when processed through the YouTube conversion? Anyone? Bueller?

..!..

3rd Effort

2007-04-06T11:37:00.001+09:00

Naturally, the second try didn't work either. Whatever is happening during the YouTube conversion, it totally fucks up the sound. Most places I've looked online address video quality issues and audio/video sync, but no sites discussing the major drop in audio quality i'm seeing (hearing) here.

Anyway, for my last attempt of the evening, I converted the applause into mono and removed the "ambience" sound effect. And, oh yes, Pinnacle Studio is fucking up. Again. The video disappears at 1:41 - only a black screen - and nothing I was doing seemed to fix it....

So I've had to build up the thing from scratch again.

Here goes nothing... the audio has been simplified, so it should work this time around. Unless that loss-of-sound from the YouTube conversion had nothing to do with the ditched "ambience."

Here it is - the "charm" attempt. Whatever that means.

If this doesn't work I'll have to readdress it tomorrow.

Peas out.

....

Get your own political affiliation

2007-04-06T10:14:00.001+09:00

Rosie O'Donnell, you're embarrassing America's progressives

We don't need a liberal Ann Coulter to bring us down.

If I were a raptureublican, I'd disassociate myself from the likes of Ann Coulter. No matter how conservative I felt, no matter how popular Coulter might be with my friends, no matter which of my political heroes expressed adoration for her, I could never bring myself to support such an ignorant, maniacal and petty bitch.

And so it is with a strong sense of philosophical integrity that I can say Rosie O'Donnell is, and will continue to be, a HEEEUUUGE embarrassment for the left. Unless we can throw her overboard.

Even if you agree with everything else she says, she's openly declared her belief in the 9/11 conspiracy theories only the stupidest of conspiracy theorists believe. Sorry, Rosie, but you are officially a moron.

What separates us lefties from the majority of the right is how we deal with nuts like O'Donnell. The right loves Coulter; she raises money for their mainstream political activities, speaks at legitimate GOP functions, appears regularly on their "news" programs.

Here's where we need to pay attention: the right is trying desperately to tie Rosie to the left as a whole. We need to ignore this. No matter how much you might loathe the sight of Joe Scarborough or Billow Reilly, don't go for the bait when they slam Rosie. The more we defend O'Donnell, the more the right will be able to illustrate how stupid we are.

..!..

What Newt meant to say

2007-04-05T10:44:00.001+09:00

And if that doesn't work, you can download it here.

As for the real thing,

ROFLMAO!

My wife and I speak Spanish at home. It's her first language; I learned it in Panama. And we have this let's-poke-fun-at-a-certain-relative inside joke where I speak it, but with the worst possible accent ever. As "gringo" as I can sound. Yes, making fun of a family member. So what?

Anyway, you can imagine our delight when we saw this video of Newt reading Spanish from a teleprompter. Oh my fucking god, it's a classic. Barney the White House pooch speaks more Spanish than this testicularly-challenged/high-voiced neoconanderthal.

Bwah ha ha!

....

ADDENDUM:

What a disaster. Apparently the YouTube conversion drastically altered the clip's audio. On YouTube the thing is 90% sound effects, 10% Gingrich speech.

So far very few views, and one very low review (can you blame the guy?).

A quasi-educated guess? The "Gingrich" voice (mine) speech was in mono, but the sound effects (ambience and applause) were in stereo, and this mono/stereo mix doesn't convert too well into Flash (or whatever it is YouTube used).

Working on the YouTube video right now...

SECOND ADDENDUM:

Deleted original video from YouTube, resubmitted. Fingers crossed.

..!..