First of all, I am well, and we are well. Long gone are the comfy moments in Kuwait City; I'm nowhere near such a relative bastion of modernity.

Obviously, I can't tell you guys much about what I'm doing right now, as I am no traitor Karl Rove. But I can tell you the revelation I'm not some unemployed tree-hugging Vermonter high on 'shrooms, living off the government penny (well, that's debatable), but in fact am a senior member of the armed forces has really gotten under the skin of quite a few colorful characters.

So, with nothing else valuable to throw in at this point, I thought I'd take a moment to entertain you with the ramblings of one such wrapped-too-tight asshole. Behold the warrant officer (sic).

Some CWO, or some such similarly useless bag of shit, emailed me about my current status, cited me for "sedition" (ho! I eat CWOs for lunch - this guy'd be fun). Allow me to take take this opportunity to emulate my hero, the great Bartcop, and submit my first ever "Monkey Mail" entry.

Enjoy!

"Hey, I read your blog. Sorry you're deployed again. But check this out. If you don't like it, Get the F*** out. I am so sick of working with folks sucking down the combat pay and badmouthing the administration every step of the way."

First of all, you, yourself, admit you work with folks who "badmouth the administration," and judging by the fact you're so "tired" of it, I'd venture to say it happens a lot. Ya think this might mean something? Can you remember a GOP administration being so unpopular among military folk?

Secondly, I'm "sucking down combat pay" so jerkoffs like you can enjoy safer skies in which to spend your whopping three-hour hops, corraling folks in and out of the places I permanently occupy.

Third, it's "FUCK," not "F***." Believe me, o brainwashed fool, you will not go to hell if you type out the word "FUCK."

"Please tell me you are not in charge of troops with your screwed up attitude. (I'm praying maybe you're a shop supervisor with a very small section)"

My guys love me, and I've got nearly a hundred of them. Next question?

"I'm working on year 30 and getting ready to deploy the fourth time in four years. I'm proud to know our contributions are keeping your pretty little family there safe. If you don't believe in the mission (from there in dangerous Kuwait) then just do us a favor and get out."

I'm sure your "if you don't believe in the mission" shtick was silenced during Kosovo; all you neocons were pissed Bill Clinton oversaw such a successful operation. So stick the pretense where the sun don't shine, bud. And Kuwait was just a stop; a chance to blog for awhile before pushing out. Try reading it again: "hurry up an wait" was the played-on phrase.

Shit man, I wish I was in Kuwait.

"PS Your parody web site is probably the most sophomoric attempt at humor I ever seen. Here's a hint. If you want to be funny, try to be clever or ironic or maybe try having your kid do your graphics. But then that's how you libs are aren't you. You whine and decry the 'mean-spirited' conservatives, but in your little rat holes where you don't think anyone can see, you demonstrate what hypocritical name-calling buffoons you all are."

Uh, you're the one whining here, chief. I'm minding my own business. No one forced you to point your mouse to my site and read it. I'm just keeping my creative self alive, and you - obviously without imagination or the ability to put your own material together - feel the need to vent on a complete stranger.

"Also, Are you familiar with the term, 'sedition'?"

Ha! Obviously you've spent thirty years not learning a thing but how to point a stick and mash a button. Go out and read a little more than your flight manual sometime.

Think about it: if you're "sick of working with folks badmouthing the administration," it's not them. It's you.

Maybe you just need to get the FUCK out.